ok i have a quick minute.

well lets see. this week is cat9 testing at school, but i guess these days its called cst or some other such thing. anyhow, ive been able to go in late because of this. today i have to be in at 11am, so i have a few more moments of dicking around on the internets.

I made a very difficult decision last week. J, the kid whose dad i've talked to about a million times, simply refuses to behave himself. i feel i have tried everything. i offered tutoring; he came twice. i told his father that he was not keeping it up; nothing happened. his behaviour will improve for a few days after these calls, or if i speak to his counselor, but two days later, he is at it again. his counselor told him that if i came to speak to her once more then there would be enough documentation to keep him out of the classroom. so the next time he disturbed the class (and by this i mean not just a single outburst, but a series of remarks with no heed) i waited patiently until class was oveer and told Ms. F, his counselor, that i had had enough. there are simply too many other kids who need the attention and *benefit from it*. so yeah. its sad and unfortunate. but *shrug* c'est la vie, i guess. you can lead a horse to school, but you cant make him learn. i dunno. maybe one day, years from now, when this kid is (a) mopping floors or (b) in prison, he can think back to the opportunities he squandered. at this point, thats all i can hope for him: that he one day recognize the error of his ways.

part of the reason i chose high school is because the kids are older. they are able to make their own decisions at this point. if an elementary school teacher encounters a problematic child, it is quite likely that the child has no fault in the matter: a learning disability, a broken family, poor living conditions. but as that child matures, they gain the gift of free will—key word being WILL. the desire, drive and determination to achieve (and yes, i know: achievement is not the same for everyone; for one it could be getting straight As, for another passing algebra by the skin of their teeth: the point is that in each case, the student works their ass off and they reap the benefits of that hard work). but if instead they shrug and say "fuck it!" … well theres not much i can do. i can try to explain that their attitude is exactly what keeps them down, not their ability (or as they believe, lack of ability).... but many of them just shrug and say, "fuck it!" ... then it gets into a societal issue, and man, i certainly dont have time to soapbox about that.

i'm off. in the meantime, please peruse my new favorite magazine, seed.